Roller Hound – Part Two

Spinderella cut it one more time…ooooh…oh oh oh…

Oh my dear dear pal, what a busy few days I have had since I last put paw to laptop! We have had the most splendid visitors in short stuffs sister and brother in law…who, as it turns out are rather spiffy – and they came armed with custard creams (sign of good breeding). What else, well we had an incident that involved a poo bag (unexpectedly breached) and a wellington boot (being worn at the time of the incident – not by me). I felt, that it was actually quite a hilarious redistribution of said ‘bag of steaming jewels’.
Anyhow, all a flurry of activity but really it really centered around saturday night, and as we all know…saturday night is roller disco night! Scream if you want to go faster! I began my preparation on thursday afternoon. I had been watching some clips of various roller moves as I did not want to be revealed as a novice when I first set paw to roller floor.

Friday night began the start of the beauty regime I had set myself. My fur was smoothed with Hectors Bryl creme, and my neck tufts were nestled in his curlers, but quite honestly I could not do a thing with my ears. I then had a bit of a brain nudge and I rang my old pal Nelson up to borrow one of his toupees. Nelson is quite the dandy you see and when drinking in his gentleman club ‘The Velvet Marmoset’, he does on occasion don a stylish head covering to add a bit of class to the proceedings. His Madam de Pompadour extravaganza is still talked about in hushed tones along the hallowed corridors. Anyway, my roller boots were polished and raring to go – as was I! I had decided to be fairly understated yet traditional in my apparel choices so I decided upon striped hot pants, a ruffled blouse and a tweed waistcoat with pocket watch. As I admired myself in the back of a spoon i had to admit there was a touch of the steampunk Marples about me.

Hector very kindly gave me a lift to Roller Dome, and there it stood before me ‘Mother Nonna Concepta’s Rollerama!’ It is run by a rather fabulous ex nun who had been recently ejected from the local convent for a misadventure involving an organic consignment of seasonal vegetables, a furtive Sister Josephine and what turned out to be a money laundering operation in the local post office. Naturally, being fairly spirited, she gravitated towards the faded nylon of what was formally the Mucky Duck and transformed it into the glittering delight it is now. Sister Josephine came with her I am delighted to say.

I could hear the music thumping through the closed doors and my heart raced with anticipation. Gingerly, I pushed the door open, just a touch, to reveal…well! Heaven I have arrived! I am within you! Oh my dear reader! The thudding music! The bar! Oh! There are flashing lights! Curious strings of people are attached together by rigid arms, zooming about.

What was totally unexpected was when I caught sight of Nelson, in a particularly skimpy lycra number circling backwards in a figure of eight! Mind you it was more of a shock was seeing who was attached to him! Oh the joyous scandal and fun I could have with that!

It was then, that I decided the time had come. It was time to commit paws to floor! The knack of getting all ones spindlesome legs to coordinate is somewhat difficult at the best of times. To attempt this whilst on wheels is an entirely different matter.
Think Bambi…no, think a spatchcock chicken that has been strapped to a catherine wheel…and there you have it my dearest pal. Spindle on wheels.
Never have I felt so free! So glorious and unhindered!

What is even more difficult than a Lurcher roller skating is trying to arrange a Spindles limbs on a stretcher. In my defence it was nothing to do with me. All I will say is that it involved Nelson, an enthusiastic glowstick and a naked flame…oh…and my nylon, highly flammable hair piece.




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