Dear reader, I have recently become acquainted with a world that, until now had remained a mystery to me. This is the gnarly world of insomnia. What a thing it is to lay awake, flexing one’s claws and counting sausages in a futile bid to drift away in the land of zzzz.

During this unexpected waking time, I can finally gather my thoughts about last week’s goings on. Last week was very cold, very cold indeed, and strange white blobs of iced terror began falling from the sky. This I believe is referred to as snow, the sight of which turned the tiny terror into an over caffeinated ball of excitement, which hasn’t been seen since she took delivery of her ferret puppet – a gift, nevertheless it caused great ferret related exuberance. She loves a snow alert and stood with her nose pressed against the window on ‘snow watch’ waiting for it to begin.

My first experience with this snow was when I ambled out into the garden to perform my morning watering service and I crouched down a little too close for comfort. As my delicate and unsuspecting undercarriage made sudden contact with the frozen ground, any urge to wee in a lazy, leisurely fashion (who doesn’t?) was immediately wiped from my mind, as a protective clenching mechanism kicked in as I simultaneously shot two feet (actually all four paws left the ground) upwards in a beautifully described arc. I performed a high pitched hound scream and shot back into the house and hid in the bed. Unfortunately – and most unlike me, my mid stream cessation was restarted as I careered back into the house and I left a trail of dribbles, just a tiny bit of wee you understand. Seeing this, I sighed and fetched the ‘unpleasant incident bucket’ and mopped it up before it was seen. A hound has her standards you know and I don’t want to be presented with incontinent devices just yet. This did of course give me an opportunity to sport my floral housecoat whilst cleaning, of which I am awfully fond (the housecoat, not the cleaning you understand).

What was more disturbing than freezing my lady fairy was when I ventured out later in the day. I was forced to wear my tartan coat…more about that later…for what was billed as being an exciting caper into the Hampshire countryside. Harrumph…exciting my paw. What caused me a certain amount of grief was that every dignified step I took a small bolus of frozen snow and ice became impacted in-between my pads. This, I can only liken to walking with corns made of ice. Hence I goose stepped my way through the winter delights of the woods.

“Oh look! She is dancing” they cried with delight. No. There was no delight. The delight did not happen. Shooting them a baleful look I shook each paw in turn and carried on. The other impediment to my comfort was the aforementioned tartan monstrosity they made me wear. I looked, well, how to describe it. All I can say is that it was a very long way from my usual stylish look. Thank goodness none of my chums saw me. I still haven’t caught up with Nelson to quiz him after the fabled roller skating evening, although I do have some pressing questions for the scamp when I do.

Speaking of skating…who knew a Spindlehound could move sideways with such style and also with such velocity! I think that perhaps ice skating might be more my thing than a wheel based activity. I have also been watching the winter olympics and rather fancy the luge as it seems this can be performed whilst having a lay down. It also has the potential for snack time. I also noticed that the lycra outfits were very snug…very very snug. They certainly fitted where they touched.

I can now comfortably revisit these goings on from the warmth of what I now claim as my bed. The loons aren’t entirely convinced but I know I will win in the end. If only I could sleep.

I shall begin to write…there are after all so many sausages that a hound can count.

Ode to snow

Snow settled on my whiskers

Then found my silken ears

All was fine and dandy

’Til it touched my furry rear…zzzzz

*the sound of hound like snoring and whiffling can be heard…Spindles quill and parchment are removed from her dream twitching paw and she is gently kissed behind her velvety ear and is tucked in snuggly.