I may have mentioned in a previous blog post, a reference to Delaneys Donkey. Well, I have no idea who this Delaney fellow is, or if he is even missing a few of his creatures, but today I saw millions of donkeys. I had been promised (as if it were a great treat) that we were going to sally forth to the Donkey Sanctuary. I have to admit that my donkey experience is not that comprehensive although I had been hearing some alarming noises at night from the nearby field which I was assured was a donkey braying. I hope it was alright because it very much sounded like it had something caught in a zip.

Well…dear reader. Never mind advising Nelson on his love life, I have seen something today that quite frankly rendered me speechless – and momentarily unconscious. The day was mostly very enjoyable. After a cursory jaunt, we walked out to the sea and sat on the beach for a little while. I had lots of new sniffs and rolls on my back and then we went back to the sanctuary for a cup of tea to fortify ourselves for the next voyage of discovery.

We ambled on, muttering oohs and aah’s. The tiny terror is desperate for a donkey or three, but then again she also wants a bat, a ferret, a badger and a wolf. I looked over into a large paddock where several donkeys were methodically chewing the long grass and generally looking depressed. Apparently all donkeys look depressed so I was not to worry. I popped my agony aunt helpline number back in my handbag and carried on gazing around.

Then, without any warning at all, something unwieldy dropped from the under carriage of a fine looking fellow who was loitering in the corner. It was much like when the wheels drop down from underneath an aeroplane…actually it was nothing like that at all, but it was astonishing and quite frankly such an unexpected sight that I had to steady myself on the fence.

Obviously the poor creature was suffering from a dreadful affliction that had caused an unsightly appendage, which would have hampered his hurdling technique, had he wished to pursue a career in athletics. All of the donkeys (bar one, which I will elaborate on shortly) fled to the other side of the enclosure, and continued with their chewing, exchanging knowing glances. All except one little donkey that had a glint in her eye and a grin that was wider than her capacious hips. Her behaviour was…conspicuous. She produced a fan out of somewhere, and snapped it open it with a flourish. Hereby followed ten minutes of a complicated little hoof dance as she waved the fan about and peered at her suitor through her long eyelashes whilst she pouted seductively. He, whilst waiting for her to finish this strange display, kept peering at his watch, but he still maintained an interested gleam in his lascivious eye. Suddenly, well quite frankly I am not going to describe what happened next, but suffice it to say I promptly fainted and had to be revived with a folded up copy of the Guardian being wafted about. 

“Well, that was an unexpected diversion”, said the Tiny Terror who had by this point completely fallen about laughing at the goings on in the enclosure, Hector had his eyes closed and refused to open them. I had hoped for a modicum of maturity from either of them, but alas not. All I can say is that I had many many questions after witnessing this spectacle. Some of which I might ask Sister Josephine about over cocktails one evening.

It does bring me back to this chap Delaney and his donkey…I urge you to listen. 

Also, do visit the Donkey Sanctuary in Sidmouth, wonderful creatures, old souls, big hearts, huge ears and eyes to fall in love with.