Gather round you beautiful creatures, I have another instalment of life at Spindle Towers to tell! Perhaps like many of you, our new ‘working from home’ routine, was proving satisfactory, although we tended to get up much later than before, the lure of a warm bed proving difficult to resist.

This particular late morning, Hector, Muvver and I were exchanging our usual witty repartee whilst hoovering up dippy eggs, thickly buttered bread soldiers and industrial strength coffee. 

Hector had been complaining of his intermittent tinnitus and was bemoaning the continuous high pitched whine he could hear, I suggested that perhaps it was actually Muvver, but all that hilarious joke earned me was a Paddington cold stare from her and an eggy snort from him.

We each laid out our plans for the day, and not having any immediate chores myself I decided to take several turns around the garden. I have been trying to make sure I get plenty of fresh air during lockdown, also I was getting increasingly bored with the choice of our destinations – oh how I longed to frolic along a beach! 

After a goodly time I felt satisfyingly limber and returned to harass the pair of loons in their respective work areas. What I have to tell you my friends, may upset those of a more sensitive nature…it has certainly unsettled me. Sometime dear friends, there are some sights that once seen cannot be erased from our horrified, traumatised retinas. 

No warning was given, to the sight I was about to behold as I casually swished into the studio space to chat to Muvver about upping my custard cream allowance.  I found her working away at her easel in a state of her usual dishevelment and disrepair, John Cooper Clark hair complete with several pencils nesting in it and charcoal smeared Scooby Doo pyjamas. This is not an unusual thing to find, thus far I remained bemused but not alarmed….yet.

I noticed she had a peculiar and triumphant look of concentration of her face, as she scrutinised the object of her wild scribblings. This is when I peered behind me and discovered she was actually drawing Hector…and Hector was…sans pantaloons! 

How she had managed to persuade him to divest himself of his Sunday tweed scamper suit and brushed cotton under-onesie was one of many questions and musings I had, which in no particular order included, “perhaps the curtains should be closed?”, “Surely the perspective is not accurate” and “We don’t need to purchase a sun dial now”.

The tableau was unexpected, but also strangely dynamic, in a gothic manner of total over exuberance and powerful emotion – muvvers signature style in life.  There may also have been the guest appearance of his tricorn hat, but I feel the less said about that the better.

I applauded the inspired positioning of his lithesome limbs and muvver and I discussed the interesting effect of gravity as we age. Sensing that this really could be a cracking source of entertainment, I pulled up a chair, settled myself comfortably and watched on with interest.

“It’s very cold today I notice”, I said to Hector who promptly threw a discarded, rolled up sock at me. 

Muvver, the ever hopeful temptress dropped her charcoal on numerous occasions but Hector (thankfully) did not stoop to pick it up for her. After the fifth attempt, he declared that he was not a mere plaything for the artists gaze, grabbed his silken paisley house coat and flounced off to the kitchen in a huff. “Don’t worry about him’, muvver said ‘The food shopping delivery failed to deliver his easter egg yesterday and he has been a bit tetchy ever since.” 

*For those who may be concerned at this, please be assured that Muvver ventured out to buy a replacement egg for him, heaven forbid he should share ours!

Casting down her various implements of mark making she sat next to me as we shared a restorative pot of Earl Grey and a cheeky pre lunch Hob Nob. One question that I was keen to have answered was how exactly she had persuaded him to actually cast aside his security undercrackers with such ‘giddy abandonment’. Perhaps this is over egging his sense of enthusiasm in indulging in unexpected daytime nudity, this is my artistic licence I am afraid, and he has made me confirm that he was more of a reluctant ‘shy, fluttering, bright eyed fawn’. Pfft.

It turns out that Muvver had persuaded him to do this in a moment of vulnerability as he gleefully unwrapped his birthday gift – a much yearned for Dremmel. A mistress of timing she had calculated that he would be highly susceptible whilst he was cooing over it and pounced with her request. 

I was congratulating Muvver on her cunning when Hector, having appeared with an empty mug, suggested that he could utilise the Dremmel on me for an impromptu Spindle pedicure, which wiped the smirk off my face I can tell you! Instinctively drawing my paws back under my house petticoat, I shot him my best haughty matron stare and returned my attention back to Muvver. 

She in turn re directed her beady, persuasive eye on me and ten minutes later I was reclined on the sofa, wearing my best tiara and a strategically placed modesty mitten. I am fairly relaxed and happy with my Spindlesome self, but I, unlike Hector, know the merit of “leave them wanting more’, so to speak, hence the mitten positioning. I insisted the only thing that should twinkle should be the tiara. 

I must admit that I really rather enjoyed the whole experience, perhaps I should pursue this as a new career opportunity. Something to ponder…

Until next time great mates, take great care of yourselves.

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